As I’m taking a day for myself and relaxing and recharging out in the pool, I find myself thinking about those recently that have decided to take their lives. It seems that so many in the last few years in the public eye have committed suicide. These are people who you think have all anyone could ever want. Yet they are still unhappy. They hide behind smiles and fake it until they can no longer handle life. So how many regular everyday people give up and no one evens notices?
It is human nature to want acceptance. We all want to fit in, be noticed, have friends. We also live in a very selfish world where it can be so very hard to have these things. We aren’t good enough, strong enough, fast enough, not pretty enough, funny enough, make enough money etc etc. We constantly try so hard to be what society needs for us to be that we lose sight.
I will say a little about me. I have never truly fit in. And I’ve come to accept the fact that I probably never will. It still hurts just the same. I definitely wasn’t good enough in elementary and high school. I wasn’t bullied physically but I was bullied emotionally so much that I hate to even think about school. So because of that I’d rather be a wallflower. Social situations really give me extreme anxiety. Even when it’s with close friends. I always feel awkward and anxious. I’ve dealt with anxiety and anxiety attacks since the 7th grade. I also have dealt with depression that comes along with this. And this year I really have dealt with depression more than anxiety. I’ve had a lot of hard situations to deal with that have made me question myself again and the whole Am I good enough thing. I know I’m good enough but it’s hard somedays when you feel like no one is there.
I have a few close friends that I know would be there for me if I really needed them and I have amazing parents and a terrific daughter. So I am never truly alone. But I’m still on the outside looking in. Always. There are very few times where I really feel apart of something or a part of a group. This is brought on by my anxiety and depression and also how others treat or don’t treat me. But it’s not up to others to make me happy is it? It’s up to me.
Let me say this, I may have all these issues that make days hard sometimes but I am NOT giving up. I never will. I have that one thing going for me. I AM STRONG! But while I can say this so many cannot. So I beg you if you feel alone and left out please talk to others. Let them know how you feel. Find a friend you can trust. Find a professional, anyone. Don’t wait till it’s too late.
And to everyone else, please pay attention to signs. Watch how you treat others. Make a point to include someone that needs a friend. Don’t be so wrapped up in your life that you are blind to what’s right there. Be kind. Be loving. Be selfless. You never know who is hurting and who you may help just by saying hello or maybe just by smiling at them. All it takes is just a moment of our time. Thank you for reading. 💕